A Letter from srg...

Dear family of mice,

I am writing to inform you that your eviction notice has been processed and will be forthcoming. I hope you have all enjoyed living under our roof rent-free, but the time has come to find a new home. In case you haven't noticed already, several of your family members have already been displaced. You may be asking yourselves why this horrible landlord has decided to take action at a time of freezing cold temperatures and imminent snowfall after years of living in relative peace and harmony in between the walls and floors of the dwelling you have called home.

That question will be answered momentarily, but first I must send you my heartfelt thanks. Thanks for keeping our wonderful cats entertained. They will surely miss the many hours of fun chasing your furry butts around our home. You have provided them (but most especially my girl Hailie) with some much-needed physical exercise and for that I'm grateful! I must also thank you for somehow not getting into our food pantry. I have no idea what you and your rodent friends have been eating lately to keep you all so plump and fat, but I have yet to find ripped up bags or any other chewed-through food items in my kitchen. So thank you for not making me have to throw away my expensive food!

Now that I have thanked you so gratefully, I unfortunately must inform you of the reasons for this eviction.

1.) I am sick of hearing the pitter-patter of your little feet above my head while I try to sleep at night. Why the hell you keep running from one end of our bedroom ceiling to the other (while my son sleeps on the floor above you) is beyond me and it's got to stop.

2.) We were also not pleased with your decision to allow your dead relatives to decay and rot in between our walls. That was just gross and the smell was horrid.

3.) You may think you have access to free lip balm in my car, but think again. Those family members who were brave enough to dare enter my car have been removed from the premises.

4.) Lastly, you have recently invaded yet another room in my house. I pride myself in keeping this room clean and sanitary and the fact that I have had to spend the last several days scrubbing the bathtub because you thought it would be a great location to tease the cats at 3am in the morning, well that was the last straw! I don't care how well you clean yourselves, the fact that your dirty little feet were scurrying all over a place designed for humans to relax and soak in a hot bath is just disgusting. For that - you have to go. It's bad enough I have to clean up after 2 cats, a kid and a husband. I refuse to add your big black-eyed brown-furry self to the list of family members that I must tidy up after. So your days in our home have come to an end.

Please keep an eye out for the nice cracker slathered with peanut butter. Follow its scent and approach the room it is kept in with complete confidence. Once in said room, you will be trapped, but have no fear. You will be transported to a location far away where you can make a new home for yourselves. And hopefully you will be joined by your other family members who have already been displaced.

Sincerely,Your landlord whose patience is running out.


P.S. Just be glad you don't live in KAT's house cause showing your face there results in not only an eviction, but a death sentence!